Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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