I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
