Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
