in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
