So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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