You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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