Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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