Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
