My nipple is on Facebook.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
