And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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