dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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