all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
