the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
