Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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