the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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