"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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