i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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