my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
