i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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