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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool

  (210): View more from Texas

  No

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• (516): View more from New York

  I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.

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• (559): View more from California

  he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.

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