After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
