took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
