Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
