lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize