I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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