my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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