we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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