he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
