i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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