i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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