So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
