I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
