His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
