So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
