I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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