You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
