I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
