I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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