You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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