I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
