He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize