I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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