I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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