So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
True college students do jello shots in the library
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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