Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
where are you?
Hypothermia
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
