omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
