Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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