I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
