I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
