I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
