Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
