just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
