know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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