she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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