Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
