I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
