3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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