I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
