ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
