arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
