there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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